You're a womanizer and a bitch.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
they're like a gay fantastic four
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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