I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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