why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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