FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
