The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize