Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
