What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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