Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
