My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
