God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
