My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
