get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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