I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
