theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
