Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
