I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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