My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
