I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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