well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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