I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You can't special order awesome
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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