Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize