Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
