My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
