it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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