I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
