we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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