Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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