the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
