and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You took a bar mat shot.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
