The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
