well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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