I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
