Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
