It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
