We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
