I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I enjoy the company of your penis
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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