Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
