Someone shit on the floor
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
