he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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