I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
