id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
