just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You have to summon your inner elephant
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
