Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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