why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
