im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
