we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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