fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
