I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
