Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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