he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
