now i know why i became what i already was.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
