I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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