i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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