I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
too bad you live with your parents still
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Congratulations! We have a period
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
