sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
