Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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