I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
