you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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