That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
