just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
ok first of all what the fuck
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
