Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
