meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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