is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
