Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
