There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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