I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
