he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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