That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
