the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
