He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
