we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
