Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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