am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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