Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
