Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
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