Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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