people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
