Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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