I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
