R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
