we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
