when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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