I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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