Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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