In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
