i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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