I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
