I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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