I am in a vortex of obligation.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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