do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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