Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
