Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I have aggressive nipples.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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