All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize