After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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