oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
