im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize