she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
