Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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