She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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