he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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